Blinders are defined as devices attached to a horse’s bridle to limit peripheral vision, helping the horse to stay focused, calm and safe.
During my tenure as a widowed single parent with 3 children, I often felt like a horse who needed blinders.
Stress, fear and overwhelm would threaten to overtake me on a regular basis. It would have been easy to shut down or check out and not deal with anything.
The baby was born 7 weeks after my husband died in a car accident. I went home to a 2-year-old and a 5-year-old. We were to move 7 weeks after the baby was born…something I would now have to do without my husband.
I just had to get up every day (and during the night in those early weeks and months after the baby was born) and get my oldest son to kindergarten. Make meals, do laundry. Pack. My husband’s family very kindly came and did most of the packing. I was almost in a zombie like state of grief and exhaustion.
After we moved, it was summer, so I had my kindergartener full time as well. Summer is my favourite, but that first one without my husband was extremely difficult. To spend any kind of time thinking about what the next 20 years would be like, and how I would survive that, was not doable.
I needed some blinders. To limit my vision (of the future) and help me stay calm, focused and safe.
The Bible says in Matthew 6:34 not to worry about tomorrow, for each day has enough trouble of its own. This verse became my blinders.
Never mind anything but to get through today. Just today. Meals were made, eaten and cleaned up. Laundry was done. Evening finally came and kids were in bed. Success. I had made it through another day.
The next task was to get through the night. Feed and change the baby as required. Hope the other kids would sleep all night. Try and get some sleep myself. Try not to think about how afraid, broken and alone I felt without my husband and father of my 3, now fatherless, children. And what might become of them.
And start over the next day.
The question was, how do I not worry about tomorrow? Psalm 23 became the way. Specifically verse 4. “Even Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for God is with me…”
I was actually walking through the valley of the shadow of death. The author of the Psalm said that he didn’t fear, because God was with him.
And God was with me. His strength was made perfect in my weakness (2 Cor 12:9). My weakness was great. Actually, it was immense. Off the chart. But God’s strength was perfect.
Walking through the valley of the shadow of death was still unimaginably difficult. I kept my blinders on. Remembered and believed that God was with me, and that his strength was greater than my weakness.
The days passed. Months passed. Walking through the valley of the shadow of death with my blinders on. The 24th anniversary of Eric’s death has just passed.
The kids are all adults, they all have post-secondary education, they are all gainfully employed and living on their own. I am living a life I love, married to a wonderful, amazing man.
I haven’t experienced many things in life as difficult as walking through the valley of the shadow of death. Which was a multi-year journey.
Still, there are times where I need to remember to put my blinders on, to not worry about tomorrow because it will have enough trouble of its own. To remember that God is with me, and that his strength is greater than my weakness.
Even Though you may be in a dark valley now, put your blinders on. God is with you. And His strength is made perfect in your weakness.
