I had lost my way. I didn’t know where I was or how I got there. Or really, where I even wanted to be. How could I possibly get to where I wanted to be if I didn’t even know where that was?
My third child was born 7 weeks after my husband died in a car accident.
Like the other 2 births, this one was quick. I didn’t get to see the baby right away because they thought he had a hole in his heart. A friend suggested that I ask for a private room at the hospital, because having my roommate’s husband and family come in and fuss over their baby would be very difficult for me. My husband wouldn’t be coming.
I took her advice. I sat there looking out the window on a sunny spring Tuesday morning. Feeling more broken and afraid than I thought was humanly possible. I prayed and told God my situation. Which He already knew, of course. I just said that I have a 5-year-old, a 2 year old, a dead husband, no job and now a newborn who possibly has health problems. There is absolutely nothing I can do about any of this. If you don’t show up, I’m sunk.
The hospital said they booked an appointment with a specialist at a university hospital about an hour away that coming Friday.
The next day I went home with my new baby and picked my 5-year-old up from school. I just wanted to be home with my children.
Friday came, and my husband’s parents took care of the 5-year-old. Whether they took him to and from school or let him stay with them for the day, I don’t know. But it was junior kindergarten, so it probably didn’t matter.
My parents took me, my 2-year-old and my newborn to the university hospital, an hour away. When I reflect on this moment, Isaiah 43:19 comes to mind. The NIV says “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”
What would that new thing be? A life of poverty and poor health? That did not have my vote. The author of the verse in Isaiah seemed excited. “I am doing a new thing!” My interpretation of the verse was that God can make a way when there is no way.
I didn’t know where I was or how I got there. How could my life possibly have unravelled in such a spectacular manner? I told God in that hospital room that there was nothing I could do about anything, and I simply needed Him to show up and sort it out. 100% reliance on Him, for everything.
I didn’t know where I wanted to be, but I knew that I did NOT want poverty and poor health. The opposite of that would be abundance and excellent health. That was a good place to start.
God began making the way. The specialist doctor at the university hospital said that the baby’s heart was fine and he was given a clean bill of health. I could not have been more relieved.
Over the weeks, months and years that followed, God continued to make a way. At times we were like the Israelites in the desert after escaping from Egypt. They wandered in the desert, trying to find the way, for 40 years. But their shoes and clothes never wore out.
My kids and I did not have nice vacations, or lots of gifts at Christmas and birthdays. All our clothes were second hand, but we did have enough to eat. We had everything we needed.
Joyce Meyer says that we are partners with God. We can’t do His part, and He won’t do our part. My part was to get up every day and do the best I could with what I had. His part was to make a way, when there seemed to be no way.
I cherish that partnership. Even though I only had a vague idea of a destination, like abundance and excellent health, we have all reached that destination.
I look forward to seeing what way God has for us next. Impossible destinations are his specialty.
